Day 23: Love & Marriage

Do I believe that love and marriage is synonymous? The quick answer is No. You can have a loveless marriage that goes on tragically for years (I've witnessed it and heard from survivors of that madness). On the flip side, you can have an abundance of love without being joined legally in the eyes of the law.

What's a Marriage Without Love?
To be in a partnership with someone is a beautiful thing if you are building together towards the same outcome, the same goal. If you are both out of sync this is where the love goes wrong. If your thoughts, ideas, ambitions about your marriage and your future don't coincide or complement each other in any way then that will be the downfall of your marriage. The choice that very few make if they find their relationship in this quandary is to end it before things escalate to the point of destruction.  Unfortunately, the choice that people make are to ignore the problems that exist in hopes that time will iron those wrinkles out or they stick with the failing union b/c they are too stubborn to let go. Not ending the relationship when the feelings are gone or are progressing onto separate paths not to converge ever again is the worst thing that you can do to yourselves and to your children. You ruin your lives, your hope for finding new love and your ability to trust in love again. If you have children, you only serve to pass on your fate to them for their future. The most healthiest thing that you can do when your marriage is without love is to love yourself more and free your heart from the ties that bind you to that person that you don't love or who doesn't love you in return.

Love for Life
Same-sex couples in New York will be celebrating tomorrow as the law legalizing same-sex marriage is in official effect. Under the law, their unions are respected by the courts-this is a tremendous victory. They will share in the fundamental economic and intrinsic benefits that hetero-couples have enjoyed for centuries. The reason why I bring this up is b/c some of these same-sex couples have been together for as long or longer than most hetero-couples loving one another eternally not joined together by a piece of paper to say that their union is accepted by society. Their union was cemented for years with love. That's how love relationships should be. When you are with someone it shouldn't be contingent upon vows recited on one day and forgotten the next. The love that you have should be based on wanting and needing to be with and have that person in your life for the rest of it.