Day 15: Can't Live Without It

To be loved, accepted and cherished is an innate feeling within us. It doesn't matter how much of a loner that a person is or tries to be. One cannot escape that longing feeling - to be loved...oh what a feeling!

The post today is about whether you can live without love. The answer is no. Your soul doesn't sing without love, your heart doesn't strengthen without love and your aura dies each day without that love.

Love is bitter sweet though....it is a beautiful and healthy thing when love is reciprocated and balanced. But love can be treacherous when its deceptive and thus is toxic. It can make you do things outside of your character - making it detrimental to the voice of your soul, deteriorates the strength of your heart and poisons the purity of your aura.

Day 14: A Date to Remember

My bestie is such an awesome dude! I could not have found anyone more sweet, loving, humble and gentle than he is. He has done so many romantic things caring for me when we BOTH had the flu, cuddling with me as I cried myself to sleep after losing my mom, making space for me in his closet before I take it over and trusting me behind the wheel of his car.

The most romantic thing that he has ever done was after a completely exhaustive work week, we spent the weekend at his apartment, one weekend-long date (lol), instead of venturing out to eat and watching flicks, etc. He cooked everything, we channel surfed together watching the craziest films (oldies and unknowns), cuddled, talked about the future and the most sweetest thing was when he drew me a bubble bath. That bath was what I truly needed! He had Sade playing in the background, the candles were lit and I was in a state of euphoria. It was so rememberable. To this day, I can't remember what the craziness was that surrounded me but that was the point, right? ;)

Day 13: UnCONDITIONal

All forms of love come with conditions and terms to be agreed upon amongst those involved. If someone says that their love is without conditions, that is a lie!

Rightfully so there are expectations that people have in those who they trust to hand over the key to their heart. For me, the conditions of my love is simple, honesty. The people that I choose to give my heart to agree to be totally honest with me in all situations even if the true is too unbearable to hear. That's a tall order but its what I deserve and what I give back in return.

I think people get in trouble by putting unrealistic conditions, that they cannot even reach, onto others. That's totally unfair and leaves the recipient of their love at a disadvantage and they eventually give up on trying to (unsuccessfully) fulfill that role. For example, you cannot expect this man to love you with your condition of putting up with your antics of unrelentling demands if you can't return the favor when he asks you to do his household chores after your long workday. What you give and what you receive in love.

I think people need to set conditions for those with whom love is reciprocated but I also think that the conditions should be equitable on both sides!

Day 12: The Zodiac Connection

I wasn't into astrology growing up. To me, all of that was hogwash (yes I said hogwash - no typo..lol). Do people seriously believe in the stars defining who they are, how their day was going to turn out to be and who they were better matched with? The answer is Yes. 

I don't remember when but I do remember showing an interest in horoscopes - after I finished working each day I would read several horoscopes from different sources to see if they were on point or full of "hogwash". In a few cases, I found that to be the truth but in most I saw that some aspects of the horoscopes did happen. While I'm not a diehard fan, I do respect the power that astrology holds. There is some truth to the stars!

Relationships is a different beast and a sista needs all the help she can get..lol My best love match is with my bestie (b/f). I'm on the cusp of the Leo - Virgo and he is a Scorpio. 

Virgo (Woman) - Scorpio (Man) love match is a wonderful combination b/c they "compliment each other, work well together and make quite a perfect union" (Read More). Now the Leo (Woman) - Scorpio (Man) love match results in "possessiveness from both sides, strongly committed to one another, neither are flexible - this serves to a be a rocky, passionate pairing" (Read More).

To say that my relationship with my bestie is intense is not far away from the truth. Yes, we love each other deeply and believe that we are so right for each other but there are times when we get into heated arguments and allow hurtful words to let loose, feelings to be bruised and we lose sight of what is important - our love for one another. These damaging moments don't happen often b/c we allow our individual personalities and our love not what the stars predict to prevail. 

Day 11: Where Is The Love?

This was a tough post to admit it let alone write about.....The post today is about a love that wasn't reciprocated and 'til this day I'm not sure it will geniunely ever be. When I love, I love hard but when I get hurt I put up a wall not allowing that person to ever get close to my heart no matter how much they "changed" or the fact that I forgave them.

The person that I wished loved me as much as I loved them was my father. Growing up I always longed for him to love me, accept me and be there for me. He wasn't. He chose to be absent and I couldn't understand why back then. To cope with that rejection, I shut down any love connections with others from extended family members to school buddies. This explains why my circle of friends growing up cycled and fluctuated. My hobbies changed? Get new friends. My class schedule changed? Get new friends. I didn't allow many people to get that close to me out of fear of being hurt the way that my dad hurt me. I never knew how to deal with it. Other kids, my mom and many family members had absentee dads and were strong but I saw my coping skills as being weak. So the more I felt that I my vulnerability was showing, I shut down. The friendship simply fades away and I move on. This continued for awhile until I got hurt deeply by my first b/f because of that darn vulnerable-feeling creeping up again and that eerily familiar longing for affection from a man. Here comes my ex and there goes my free love. Then that hurt rears its ugly head once again.

I am a firm believer that if you have strong relationships with your parents or parental figures growing up it helps you to cope better with love-obstacles than with weak, nonexistent relationships earlier in your life.

Luckily, I was raised with a loving parent. My mom taught me to grow up, learn and move on - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. In time, I took my father's nonexistent love as his immaturity and inability to give me what I deserved and needed. Eventually, I forgave him but he cannot and will not ever receive the love that my old self was eager to give to him so freely. MY LOVE IS NOT FOR FREE ANYMORE!

Day 10: People I Love

Love letters to the special people in my life...

My Bestie I Heart U

You are my rock and have shown me what friendship looks like. You continue to amaze me with your comedy and thought-provoking words - our talks range from politics to sex to crime to holistic medical treatments and then some. You are love and show me how beautiful love can be. I love your smile, your heart, your chocolate skin....I love YOU!

My VyRO Fam I Heart U

Grammy & Shaun...you are my constant since I can remember. Your continue to bless me with your presence and I love you for that even when words are not being exchanged. Our house is a home when you two are in it. Love you so much! Uncle, you are crazy cool and this is why I love you - yea you drive me crazy but its how our relationship is...that's the way our love goes..ha! Aunties (Lady D and SisTa Denise) - I know why my Mommy loved you both as sisters...I love you both for being my big sisters when I need advice or just an ear to lean on in the absence of my Mommy.

My SisTARS I Heart U

Pam, Caprice, Rach, Contro, N'tirzah, Joy, Kali, Celly, Danielle....You ladies are my sisterhood! I wished for sisters when I was a kid and I've been blessed to have you in my life. Though life takes over and we lose touch at times, when we are together it is magical and as if we have been talking each and every day. I love you my sistars! Mama Sharlene - you are the sister that my mom never had....you remind me so much of her. You are beautiful inside and out, and a crazy kid at heart...love you!!!

My Family - Resting in Peace

Mommy, Auntie Clara and Auntie Wally....Words CANNOT express how much I have been missing you, the talks we've shared and the laughs we've had. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of you. You hold a special place in my heart!! RIP