Day 23: Love & Marriage

Do I believe that love and marriage is synonymous? The quick answer is No. You can have a loveless marriage that goes on tragically for years (I've witnessed it and heard from survivors of that madness). On the flip side, you can have an abundance of love without being joined legally in the eyes of the law.

What's a Marriage Without Love?
To be in a partnership with someone is a beautiful thing if you are building together towards the same outcome, the same goal. If you are both out of sync this is where the love goes wrong. If your thoughts, ideas, ambitions about your marriage and your future don't coincide or complement each other in any way then that will be the downfall of your marriage. The choice that very few make if they find their relationship in this quandary is to end it before things escalate to the point of destruction.  Unfortunately, the choice that people make are to ignore the problems that exist in hopes that time will iron those wrinkles out or they stick with the failing union b/c they are too stubborn to let go. Not ending the relationship when the feelings are gone or are progressing onto separate paths not to converge ever again is the worst thing that you can do to yourselves and to your children. You ruin your lives, your hope for finding new love and your ability to trust in love again. If you have children, you only serve to pass on your fate to them for their future. The most healthiest thing that you can do when your marriage is without love is to love yourself more and free your heart from the ties that bind you to that person that you don't love or who doesn't love you in return.

Love for Life
Same-sex couples in New York will be celebrating tomorrow as the law legalizing same-sex marriage is in official effect. Under the law, their unions are respected by the courts-this is a tremendous victory. They will share in the fundamental economic and intrinsic benefits that hetero-couples have enjoyed for centuries. The reason why I bring this up is b/c some of these same-sex couples have been together for as long or longer than most hetero-couples loving one another eternally not joined together by a piece of paper to say that their union is accepted by society. Their union was cemented for years with love. That's how love relationships should be. When you are with someone it shouldn't be contingent upon vows recited on one day and forgotten the next. The love that you have should be based on wanting and needing to be with and have that person in your life for the rest of it.

Day 22: Love Scene (Take One)

The perfect love scene? Hmmm I had to give this some thought...something that reflected my idea of romance. I thought of Hollywood power couple, Will & Jada, instantly. To me, they are the REALEST couple in Hollyweird and the closest comparison to my love relationship. They are equally matched, they fit one another like a glove and are passionate about each other even after all of these years. 

The perfect love scene is one that is not contrived and happens on a whim. I like the idea of "Will" surprising the workaholic "Jada" at her job as she struggles to get her tasks done in a futile effort to rush home to him. She knows how spontaneous he can be so this was definitely a welcomed surprise - and a huge relief. He waits for her to finish up and whisks her away in an SUV. Her curiosity is piqued. Why are we in this truck? Where's the car? Did it get repossessed? Her panic is eased when he gives her a slight head nod signaling for her to chill, calm down letting her know that he's  got this. She settled back and diverting her attention to the signs trying to figure out where her love is taking her. She's a curious Virgo - that's how she's always been. He realizes that his secret plan will be unveiled before its time so he distracts her by caressing her hands then her face and her shoulders. She was done. She needed the massage after a long, crazy week at the office. She gave it and let him work his magic fingers to relieve the tension that crept into her upper back. She wonders why she allows this job to get her all twisted leaving her with nights of insomnia, long work days and very little energy to spare when she's not in the office.

Her mind continues to drift into a euphoric state. He realizes his plan is working. She has no idea where she is going and doesn't care. They finally arrive to the destination, he whispers "We're here...are you ready?". She opens her eyes and realizes that they are at an airport - a small one that's very secluded. She gives him the "what are you up to, Mr Scorpio?" gaze. She trusts him completely so the outcome can only be good but she just gotta be in control and know everything! She darts her attention to every sign and person around them as he escorts her along a path after tipping the driver and thanking him for a timely arrival. They walk through a corridor leading to a small building then through that building into another walkway. They breeze through the airport so quickly that she doesn't have time to take it all in to crack the secret code - where is this man taking me?!

He is laughing hysterically inside because he knows that this is driving her nuts. He knows his woman like the back of his hand. She has this insatiable need to be in the know. He leads her to a waiting area. He asks her to sit while he goes to the customer service counter. She obliges although reluctantly - still wanting to know. As he converses with the agent, she strains to hear the conversation but they are whispering (damn!) so she tries to decipher the announcements in the waiting area but the bad acoustics give her garbled information making it downright difficult for her to figure out what is actually being announced. She gives up - for a second. From the PA system, she hears something about a flight to Hawaii that is departing. He finishes up with the agent and rushes towards her. Her mind starts to whirl. As they rush towards a departure gate, she thinks that she will finally know where they are going and could it be that they are going to Hawaii?! Then she panics. she remembers that they driver didn't unload any luggage so she doesn't have any clothes and neither does he. And she didn't get any vacation time approved so they have to be back home by Sunday. He realizes that her brain is in overdrive mode by her grimace and she's about to go into that critical meltdown any moment.

"Relax" he says calmly. He then asks her if she trusts him. She nods, hesitantly. He doesn't feel assured so he stops them both in their hurried stride and looks deeply into her eyes. Her worries begin to dissipate. She shifts from one foot to the next then nods. Feeling like a champion, he leads her down the another corridor to the plane's door. They board the private jet and are greeted by a flight attendant. The attendant gives him a nod signaling that they are ready to take off when he's ready.

She, still unaware as to where they are heading to, takes a seat in the couch in awe of how luxurious this is then thinks how the heck could they afford this but her inner voice tells her to "trust him" so she lays back smiling. He nestles next to her and secures them both in their seat. Her head falls onto his should as he strokes her head. The plane creeps up to its position on the runway and is ready for take off.


They are definitely ready for what's to come on this journey together....

Day 21: Romantic Destination

Me and my bestie NEED this ahora! I don't have a particular location in mind. I hate to sound sappy but wherever he and I are is a romantic place to be. We are magical together - its hard to explain. We are like two kids without supervision sharing inside jokes, being our true selves, not caring about putting on a "show" just being who we are knowing that there isn't any judgement and laughing until our face hurt.

I think that the one place that would be the ultimate romantic destination would be a place where we are exploring nature. Our most hilarious and quiet times have been us trekking the roads least traveled. We have a blast when we are hiking a nature trail (like we did in the desert of AZ) or strolling up the twists and turns of a park (like we did in Wisconsin). Ahhhhh, sweet memories!

Day 20: Love at a Distance

Today's topic is close to my heart...its about long distance relationships and do I believe in them. Well I'm in one and I do believe in them but its the people that are questionable.

It takes a VERY mature couple to sustain a long distance relationship. Not only do you have to deal with the external influences like friends' chatter leaving you to question the commitment of your significant other but you also have to deal with your overactive imagination. These social networks don't help either - your significant other can't see you or feel you so they only go by what you post or tweet about on the web leaving them to misinterpret what they think you are "really" doing when they are not around.

It's damn hard too when YOU are insecure within your own skin - thinking that you are not worthy enough to keep this person wanting, needing and loving you. That's where the overactive imagination starts to come into play. You have to remember to live on faith that this relationship is stronger than pride, can withstand the external forces and overcome the distance.

Me and my bestie are friends first and lovers second. Our foundation to our friendship is the bond of trust not sex. Its more solid that a quick roll in the bed. Its built on honesty when we don't want to hear the truth and an openness to speak our true feelings with one another.

We've both been hurt many times over so we have baggage - that's another issue to contend with. That past baggage that creeps up every now and then. Its not anyone's fault. It's natural for humans to revert to their painful pasts to prevent a repeat of that same hurt (or worse). As a result of replaying that past emotional roller coaster, you forget that the person that you are with is not the same person that hurt you nor are you the same person that was their victim. You have grown (hopefully) from that experience and you shouldn't allow that past to destroy your future.

I'm not gonna lie to you - my clarity on long distance relationships is a work-in-progress. Our relationship is not perfect. We have our issues and fears but I will have to admit our love is a force to be reckoned with. I have a best friend and lover in him and he has that in me. The distance is an annoyance that we pray will be resolved sooner than later. In he meantime, we focus on continually strengthening our relationship.

Day 19: What Do I Love (the most)?

This is a tough one to answer. I love photography. I love my family. I love my bestie. I love the person that I am and my future self. I love living. I love the space that I'm in at this very moment. But what do I the most is hard to pinpoint. What I love more than all things present in my life depends on the moment that I'm in. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love simply being in the moment the most. That I can tune out the craziness that is life and have the ability to savor life's flavors (hmmm I like the sound of that).

In the past, it was difficult for me to do that - let alone admit it. It took me losing loved ones and losing control of being in control to understand that life is on a continuum and that I need to be able to cope by finding the enjoyment of life and live it - not be consumed by the weight of life's stress.

Day 18: Triangle of Love

Being in the middle of a love affair between two lovers is not a place that I want to be nor have been. Imagine your heart longing to be with another person when you are with a different person. That's torture and a bit selfish on your part. With love, you take risks but you have to make a choice to love one and not the other. To be with one of your two "loves" and pray that it works out. Its immature to have two hearts in purgatory while you either figure it out or choose not to confront the reality - make a choice and free one of those hearts to love again (with someone else)!

Day 17: Young Love

Love comes in all phases of your life. I think that REAL love comes with responsibility and maturity. Maturity isn't about age b/c there are a lot of foolish old people running around as there is a lot of smart young people. I've never been in love as a youngun but then again I wasn't mature enough to handle matters of the heart as well as I am able to to now.

Love is a thing of beauty that doesn't come to fruition or expire with age. Love happens and WE have to be ready for it!

Day 16: Love @ 1st Sight

Eyes lock....Her hair blows ever so gently....His gaze is tight....The music bellows them to come together...

That's how love at first sight is in the movies. In reality, its not like that (lol). It's possible that someone could catch your attention like a hiccup catches each breathe. You stop in your tracks. Your throat closes up making it unbearable for you to utter a coherent word other than "uhhh". That's possible. Has it happened to me? Nope.

Even when I met my bestie, I wasn't tongue-tied and engulfed in his physical. I guess that reflects my inability to get caught up by the sheer external. I'm more enchanted by the internal provocativeness that someone's character and witty personality can bring. I fell in love my bestie's smile, comedic talent to make me bust a gut and his sincerity.

Love @ 1st Sight...yes! with your brain...owwww! ;)