Day 28: Love or Sex?

If there was a choice, love will always prevail. Love is more gratifying and rewarding than sex. Sex is an act and nothing more. You can catch feelings of a connection from it but that's most likely one-sided and will cause your heart to break over an act of a few hours (or a few minutes..lol). Is sex worth that heartache? Nope!

I had a "just sex" experience before I met my love (my bestie). I was in a different state of mind. I just had my heart broken by my ex and the LAST thing I wanted was love in my life. I was so vulnerable and didn't have any love to give to myself at times let alone give to anyone else. Plain and simple I was in a "fuck it" mood - fuck love and fuck pain.  So when I came across "what's-his-name" I didn't pay him any mind. He was some dude that crossed my path. He was cute but nobody I wanted to start a love-relationship with. He was a player and desired by many chicks, except me. I had a weak moment - I allowed my urges to take over my better judgment - and I had sex with this guy. It was a moment that to this day I vaguely remember. Don't remember how long the sex was or if I liked it b/c he was doing his thang or that I was horny. I was too intoxicated at the time to tell the difference. Whatever it was, it was over. I walked away satisfied - got what I wanted and that was it. He, the player, wanted to stay in touch and be friends - really, dude?! LOL I wasn't in the mood to get close to him so I shut him down b/c my heart was in the off-mode. Looking back, I was unfair and cold to this dude but I knew that if I let myself feel anything it would have been counterproductive to my healing. Though having meaningless sex with someone you barely knew, hindered the process. I don't regret the experience but I did carry that baggage into my love relationship with my bestie. I didn't want our relationship to be based on sex b/c that isn't a solid foundation for me. Love based on sex is not love...its lust.

I'm thankful that me and my bestie waited after meeting to have sex. We spent our time wisely by getting to know each other setting a friendship foundation that turned into love with sex coming afterwards. It was the most beautiful moment that I can remember to this day.

Day 27: Hot Pursuit

The post today is about if I have been or still am being pursued by a former love. Well no. So there. LOL That was quick and straight to the point, huh?

I actually want to talk about that. Some people get off with being chased or being the chaser then once they have their "prize" they're bored and ready for the next chase. It happened to me many years ago when I was the chaser and the recipient of my affections didn't return them back. He was a player and didn't want to hurt my feelings....yadda yadda. But like all chasers I didn't take no for an answer b/c I was so caught up in the chase. I don't know what it was - maybe it was a talk with a friend or I shook myself into the common sense era - but one day I said "fuck it then". I stopped chasing him. I stopped seeking him out. I just stopped. I do remember that it felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It felt amazingly good. Once I stopped that's when he started chasing me. Hilarious! It was crazy. I laugh at it now. It was so freakin' childish. The whole concept of pursuing someone when they don't want you is ludicrous. Why put yourself in such an awkward position for someone who doesn't care about you? Who doesn't want to be in your space in the way that you wish to be in theirs? That's sad - the desperation.

I look back and wonder why would I subject myself to that. Then my mind wanders onto the fact that, as a child, I "chased" my father for years b/c I wanted him to love me as I loved him. That longing and urge to be loved back never left me. It was always there and continues to be (a little). I think if you ask the chasers when were they first rejected and by whom and they probably would admit to saying that the rejection was when they were young and by someone very close to them like a parent or sibling. That's my theory about the 'hot pursuit love' (adult) scenario. That would be the only way to explain why an adult would chase someone who doesn't want to be chased.

Day 26: Age Ain't Nuthin But A Number...Or Is It???

This would be my initial reaction if my child came to me and told me that they were in love with someone my age. First off the person of their adoration would be in their late 30's so right off the bat I'm already suspicious of their intentions. Besides being their mentor, teacher or parent, what does a 30-something year-old have in common with someone 20+ years younger than them?!?!

Besides the sexual appetites being the common link between generations, I don't see what else there is to share. My questions that I would pose to my child would be what on earth do you see in this person? What makes you love them? What do you know about them? Where do you see this relationship heading to? These questions are those that I asked myself when I realized that I loved my bestie. Love is so fleeting at times b/c you think that your feelings of love are real as the air that you breathe but in fact the feeling that you feel is nothing more than misdirected lust disguised as "love". You don't know the person and have no clue about them yet you call it love?

Love is all seeing and knowing that in your heart what you feel is real not what your sexual appetite leads you to believe. Its confusing (I know) which is why I would've "go off" on my child b/c love is complicated - more so when you are not mature enough in love relationships. I would ask the questions to make them ponder not to frighten them out of love but to let them know that loe is not something that you idly walk into and it just happens.

On the other hand, I wouldn't be so easy on the adult that my child is in love with. I would definitely go H.A.M. on this person for twisting my child's mind into believing that their love is real when all he/she wants to physical pleasure. I will treat them as if they are guilty of deception and they must prove to me that their feelings are genuine and that they contribute something positive to their lives just for them to even be in my child's life. If you feel that I'm overreacting, so be it. That's my child and I will protect him/her to the day I die from predators. That's what I think of adult who mess with children are. You know that they are vulnerable yet you indulge your disgusting little fantasies of fooling around with kids. That is utterly appalling!

Needless to say, this situation will not be a pretty one b/c I will not stand for a May-December relationship between my child and an adult. Period.

Day 25: What is Love?

My mom showed me the definition of love. She was the first person who taught me what love felt like, looked like and how vital it is to your life. I miss her tremendously b/c the love she gave to me. It's still hard to think of her or speak of her - she was my teacher not just b/c she was my mother but b/c she was my friend. I miss her so much. My love for her is irreplaceable - yet another lesson learned about love which is that its unique for very person. The love that you share with one person is not the same love that you share with another. It cannot be duplicated and shouldn't be.

Day 24: Broken Hearted

Breaking someone's heart is unfathomable to me. I've had my heart broken a few times and I don't EVER want to give that pain to anyone else. Its a cruel thing to do - to intentionally deceive, mask your true heart then destroy the other person's world by revealing that the truth of your love was really a lie.  In cases where you indeed did love them with all your heart then something changed and you were forthcoming at that moment, the heartbreak is still there but the recovery and healing happens sooner than never. The most hurtful thing that someone can do is allow the other person to think that the mutual love still exists and is progressing when clearly it isn't on your part. My thoughts on this is that people should walk along the side of truth in love relationships. The truth will hurt like hell but the revelation to the other person that your feelings for them are different - no longer the potent love that it once was - it will be the best thing that you can do. The truth will set you free from lying and deepening the wound to their heart and yours.