Day 9: First Love Faces

It was worth the wait! Prior to my first love XXXploration, me and my b/f abstained from sex to focus on building our friendship and not let sex get in the way of that - but who was I kidding?! I was afraid b/c my first sexual encounter (as well as the relationship) sucked and I didn't want this new relationship to be ruined due to my prior relationship baggage.

My first sexual experience was awkward, rushed and not as satisfying as I imagined it to be.  Shit! I blinked and it was done - did we just have sex?!?!! Looking back, I honestly regret having sex before finding true love. and regret is the last thing that I will ever do. I thought I was in love but it was more like a quasi puppy love-lust thing and nothing more.  Sad but true. I was hungry to be loved intimately and he fit that void at the time.

Back to my first love experience, my b/f made me feel soooo comfortable and cherished. He was gentle, kind, patient, loving, nurturing, dirty and freaky. He still is to this day. I love him for giving me an experience that I deserved, wanted and needed. It was incredible. All I can say about the experience is I got a rug burn...yes lawd! That's all that I will reveal....Ha!

Day 8: Two of One Heart

Being in lust with more than one person? Yes. Being in love with more than one person? No.

If you find yourself "torn" between two men or women, you will see yourself loving one of them more than the other. Your heart cannot be equally yoked between two places, people, times or seasons. Your heart ultimately has made that decision of who you are meant to love between the two and its up to you to listen.

Day 7: Love Deeply

Photo Credit: Pjibac Gallery

Today's post topic asks "Have you ever been deeply in love?". My quick answer is yes - I am deeply in love with my bestie (he means the world to me!).

But it begs the question of what is meant by the phrase to be "deeply in love". That, to me, is the most important question. From my experience and becoming more aware of how to love I've realized that to be in deep love with someone outside of yourself is be worthy of their trust with their heart in your hands and them of yours. To handle their emotions, feelings, experiences, baggage, trust, love, honesty with gentle care. And not to dismiss their presence for your own selfish needs but to, at times, put their needs and desires ahead of your own or, at least, to consider them as a factor in your decision process.

This type of love is rare and sometimes doesn't arrive for many. I think we are always in the hot pursuit of the idea of love that we overlook the very meaning of what true love, deep love is. It's the type of love that always leaves you wanting more, drives you completely insane and makes you wonder how on earth did you ever live without it.

Day 6: What Is Love?

To me, true love is defined by who you are. The type of love that receives you and vice versa is based on the qualities that you possess. If you are a loving, generous, nurturing, charismatic, witty and inspirational being then love will swoop down upon you and bless you with that same kind of love tenfold whether its from your loved ones, friends or your partner. I've been fortunate in this regard and for this I am thankful each day that I awake to share my life with those who love me unconditionally (and I them).

Love cannot be duplicated or carbon copied. Its not that secret code or formula that is hacked into submission. Love is unique to your make-up. Love embodies your spirit and, resides within and around you. Love is you and you are love.

Day 5: Cinemantic Love

I'm not a gushy, mushy flick watching type of girl. I prefer the more gratuitious violence in a flick the better sans the contrite-Oscar worthy dialouge and romantic slant.

So my list of romantic cinema favs list is non-existent until last year when I saw Disney's "Princess and the Frog". This is a story that everyone pretty much knows about but what Disney did differently is put a 21st Century spin on it using New Orleans as a backdrop (which I loved!). The "Princess" is Tia a hard-at-work fully functional work-a-holic who's dreams of being a entrepreneur has left her life empty with just herself and her dream. She crossed paths with this ego-driven "Frog" Prince and the rest is history!

The lessons that you walk away with from this movie were that you don't take life's blessings for granted, digging a little deeper within yourself to discover something beautiful and don't judge others by face value. The "romantic" lesson was to realize that love happens when you least expect it and with you you least expect it to me. The love that you have can be with someone you just met or with someone you've known for years.

Day 4: Love Song

This is CRAZY b/c I am a music addick! My music arsenal is huge. I had to have been a songwriter or singer in a former life. As long as I can remember - since I was a kid - I hummed songs that I made up on the spot and the popular topic was love. I sang about her while washing the dishes, cutting grass, doing laundry, doing my homework, etc. It was my release. I didn't want to join the church choir or a singing group. Those vocal acrobatics were for my ears alone.

There were so many songs in my early days that I was hypnotized by but the first love song that I kept in heavy rotation - almost broke the record player - was Anita Baker's "Sweet Love". I was nine or ten I think and didn't have a b/f nor did want one at the time. I was a kid that still played with my dolls, had imaginary friends, etc. I did things that kids did (and supposed to do) - that is drive your momma crazy running around with no adult cares in the world (lol). When my mother bought Anita's debut album into the house, I was curious. First off, who is this mysterious beauty on the cover clutching herself to protect from harm or was it more deeper - to express how in love she was? hmmm. Secondly, what is this love thing that she is talking about - how different is it from all the other talks about it?

I played the title track "Sweet Love" and my ears were in love with the tone of her voice, her lyrical prowess and the music crescendos. It was beautiful! Magical! As she sang, I did the "Anita" sway long before I saw the video. I can see what she was talking about. I imagined myself with that special someone that she was serenading to through this song. This song had power telling that man that you are special, you are wonderful and you are divine. She was speaking the truth about love! Go 'head Anita, preach!!!

Day 3: For Ever, For Always - Recent Love

Love takes all shapes and forms. Love exists internally and externally. Love is about giving, receiving and being. For this post, my recent love is about my passion from within that brings out the best, the most creative me. For years prior, this is a part of me that lies doormat for most of the day - heck most of my life but it was always there. My most recently realized love is the my visual artistry. 

To this day, I'm amazed that I never honed in on this treasured gift much sooner - perhaps I wasn't ready to see it and live it yet. But whatever the reason is for this delayed epiphany, I am so glad I now see it. My recent love came from love when my b/f gave me my first Nikon a couple of years ago. He saw my passion and saw how much happiness photography brought me and loved me enough to give me a better tool to work with. I upgraded my "point and shoot" Canon for something a bit more sophisticated and have been hooked ever since.

There's just something about this photography love that I am still on a journey to define for myself. I'm always learning about this love, experimenting with my craft and embracing the label "photographer".  I'm at a point of uncertainty about this new love. I'm unsure as to where this will lead but I do know that I feel blessed to have found it and am looking forward to the places that it will take me - near and far!!