Day 30: Lessons Learned from this Challenge

Last post of this challenge....how monumental is this, huh?? 

This writing exercise proved one thing that I can see these challenges through - dammit I'm determined! LOL

Honestly this only reaffirmed what I already know deep inside - nothing earth shattering...well except for me realizing that my father's absence (well more so his lack of presence) has effected me a bit deeper than I've ever realized. Forgiveness of his actions has happened but me forgetting his transgression is much harder than I want to admit. During this 30-day challenge, he has called me several times to chat about nothing in particular after I reached out weeks prior and I have yet to return his call. Not sure what this means other than me feeling that I will reach back out when I feel like it. Take the time to call him back when it suits me like he did after over two decades of doing his disappearing act. I don't know what it means or it simply means I just don't feel like talking to take on his pain which can be draining. That might sounds selfish but its the truth. Why should I endure your pain after all of these years when you didn't endure my pain when I needed you as any child would?

Ok perhaps this exercise uncovered a layer of my feelings that I've harbored for him or lack thereof. Right now, at this very moment in my life, I honestly don't need "daddy" when for most of my life he has NEVER been there for me at all whether on the phone, through letters or infrequent visits. He disappeared without a trace. It can be forgiven but how can someone FORGET that and go on to pretend that everything's ok when its not? I got more soul searching to do in this area but in the areas of loving myself, loving my best friend as we grow together and loving the family that have supported me in my life's journey I know for certain that I am fortunate.

Day 29: To My Love...

Dear Love,
I am thankful that everything was in alignment to bring us together. You are my best friend. I know my heart shares with yours. I know that guard around my heart is still there but somehow, over the years, you have managed to circumvent my defenses eventually allowing me to give you the key.


I'm proud of how much our love has blossomed through pain, sacrifice, anguish, blessings, joy and happiness. It feels like only yesterday that a chance encounter came to our feet and stepped towards it with welcomed arms. Has it been a decade?! Crazy, isn't it? It feels like a never-ending dream that I wish not to wake up from. At times, I pinch myself to make sure this is all real.


We have built something so undeniably beautiful that it cannot be ignored. Its more than we both intended, expected or wanted but it is something that we both needed!


You excite me in every possible way. I love your voice, your smile, your laugh & your swagger. I love our talks-about-everything. We can start off discussing something normal like what we both ate today and veer into the realm of crazy and end up discussing how we would escape an alien invasion (or something like that). At the end of our conversation, we ask, "how did we get here" and laugh some more after realizing what minuscule topic led us into this insane direction.


We were molded (good & bad) to be each other's confidants. I feel that way about us. We were made to cross paths and to be together as we are now. I think back as you do about the choices that we made individually. If I made this decision or that decision, I would not have been blessed to have met you. Although moments of my past are painful, I don't regret them for one millisecond. The joy that you bring to my life cannot be matched. I love you as you are and the man that you are becoming. You are the ying to my yang. 


Love You, Babe!